Ditzy, wait, no, dizzy girl!

So, it happened again this morning. :( What's the it you ask? Well, while showering today, I got so weak that I knew if I closed my eyes for more than just a few seconds I'd pass out. (A difficult thing not to do when you're trying to wash shampoo out of your hair or soap off your face!) And, now that I've thought about it, I'd say it's happening about once a week. At first, I thought it would only happen on days when I'd gotten up later than normal (5:15 am), but it happened again today. And, while I can typically resolve the feeling by sitting down, it usually hits me when I've got conditioner in my hair, soap on my face and I'm shaving. So, I have to finish all that up before I can get out of the shower and get myself to a chair. I struggled with low blood sugar problems prior to surgery, so it may be related especially since I rarely eat before showering. But, it doesn't really feel the same as the low blood sugar attacks I remember. I dunno, but I'll certainly talk with my surgeon and my ob/gyn (who treats me for PCOS) at my appointments on the 14th. Anyone else out there experience something similar? I've got to make it stop, though, because I'm afraid I will pass out and then really hurt myself!

The end of the road ...

I returned to Lane Bryant yesterday for what will probably be one of (if not the) last times. I bought three pairs of pants and two shirts all in size 14 ... size 14!!! I haven't seen size 14 since 1992ish! I also bought two new bras in a 38D; pre-surgery, I was wearing a 44D (which was probably wrong). Yes, this is all a very good thing, and I'm absolutely, completely thrilled! But, I'm also somewhat sad. Since I began shopping at Lane Bryant (which sadly was only about a year-and-a-half ago), I've found that what they offer is very good-quality, well-fitting clothes. And, while I've purchased some things from other stores since surgery, I'm afraid that once I can no longer find things that fit well at Lane Bryant I'm going to be in kind of a limbo for a while because of my problem areas (the stomach and arse). We'll see.

On Friday, I'll be off to NYC with the majority of my co-workers for a business trip for the weekend. (We're migrating our NYC office from Novell to Windows Active Directory for other techies out there.) I absolutely love New York and am thrilled about being in NY at Christmastime. And, while we are going there for work, thankfully, our director is also into shopping and using what time we have to enjoy the city. So, we've got tickets to see The Lion King on Broadway and have dinner reservations before the show at a fabulous restaurant, but I'm really nervous about eating arrangements the rest of the time. Everyone in my office knows I had gastric bypass, but I don't think they completely understand my limitations as well as needs regarding food. And, I guess what I'm most nervous about is the trip down and back because I suspect we'll stop somewhere for food, and who wants to stop for an extended amount of time to eat a sit-down meal, right? But, I won't eat fast food. Yes, I know there are some ok choices at fast food restaurants (as well as poor choices at sit-down restaurants), but I've not had fast food for 6+ months. And, I don't want to start now!! I'm also concerned about eating times given that I know some of my co-workers are psycho and will want to "just finish this one last thing up" before leaving the office for food. I don't want to be a complete pain in the arse on this trip, but when I've got to eat, I've got to eat. Has anyone else out there had a similar situation? If so, do you have any tips or recommendations on how to best deal with the issue of food?

So much for a good day ...

Yesterday, my husband and I watched my beloved Gators of the University of Florida pummel the Florida State Seminoles. It was a big victory on the field but not one in our house. I'm a _big_ college football fan, and what goes best with football ... snacking! I've done pretty well all season at not snacking during the games, but for this game, my husband decided he wanted snacks. So, we made our way to Wegmans before kickoff to pick up the goodies. I let him lead the way to choose what he wanted as I knew I was not in need of anything snack-like. (Although, I did end up with some fresh salsa.) He ended up getting a thin-crust frozen pizza (as he couldn't find the pizza-ring type thing he wanted) and some Toll-House cookie dough ice cream thingies. The game started slowly (as did the eating) until the Gators finally scored a touchdown to start the 2nd quarter. That's when my husband found the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que potato chips left over from a party we threw back in September. Potato chips have always been a weakness, and I relented and had 10 chips. Then, at half time, he threw the pizza in the oven. I was getting hungry myself and decided to walk in the kitchen; as soon as I smelled that pizza, I was weak. Damnit! Well, at least it had chicken and was a very thin crust! And, yeah, the Gators won!

Gobble, gobble ...

said the turkey but not me! I successfully made it through turkey day without a scratch! Yeah!! The restaurant offered a 4 course all-inclusive meal, and despite the fact that I knew I'd never be able to eat it all, I decided not to worry about not eating everything put in front of me and to just enjoy myself (while being conscious of the choices I was making). I had the artichoke and spinach fondue (not exactly healthy, but at least it was spinach and cheese ;), a Boston lettuce salad, the turkey entree with stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and peas and finally the (and this was the deadly one) peppermint roulade (peppermint ice cream surrounded by chocolate cake covered in chocolate ganache) for dessert. I ended up eating only very small portions of the appetizer and salad and had one slice of turkey, a few bites of the stuffing, only 2-3 bites of the mashed potatoes as they ended up swimming in butter and only 2 very small bites of the dessert. Oh, and I was very proud, I asked them to bring the gravy on the side of which I only had one little dip. And, save one tiny bite of my husband's roll, I had no bread! No feelings of loss or missing out on anything, and I left feeling pleasantly full with the majority of my entree (and the rest of the dessert) in my hands. In all, a success!

Then, today, we decided to brave Target because my husband needed to pick up some meds from the pharmacy. I needed to pick up a few things as well including one last minute item for his upcoming birthday, so I asked him to return a pair of pants I'd gotten from the Gap earlier in the month that were way too long. I found everything I needed at Target and waited for his return at the front of the store. When he didn't arrive after a few minutes, I decided to return to the car to see if he'd gone there. He hadn't so I walked back to the mall and down to the Gap; I still didn't find him. On my way back to Target, we finally crossed paths. The reason for this story? I did all that walking ... around Target, out the car, back into the mall and down to the Gap and finally back to Target without even thinking twice about it. That's just so incredible! Six months ago, I'd never have done all that walking. I would have either waited in Target or just waited in the car. Yeah me! :)

Just too much!

I've got so much stuff swirling around in my head right now; it's difficult to get it out. We've had to change our Thanksgiving plans because my MIL has been having a difficult time recovering from sinus surgery. So, my husband has wisely decided it's best not to stress her out more with our (and our dog's presence). Thankfully, I was able to get a reservation at a nice restaurant that's going to be open as I'm just not up to making a full Thanksgiving dinner for two.

And, my grandmother was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and began chemotherapy treatments last week. My mom talked with her on Friday and relayed that she sounded pretty upbeat about it. Then, yesterday, we all learned that she had to be taken back to the hospital due to being unable to deal with the pain caused by the chemo on her own. She's always been a very strong woman, but she's never handled drugs very well. So, the entire thing is all rather scary.

In the months prior to when my dad's mom passed away, I'd managed to lose about 20 pounds doing a doctor supervised low-carb diet. But, losing her caused me to give up on that diet so as to comfort myself with eating whatever I wanted. So, I'm beginning to stress out that if we were to lose my mom's mom that I might somewhat do the same again. I know my body won't let me lose all control, but I can still eat things I shouldn't, graze (which is something I've managed not to do thus far) and stop exercising. I know that it's good that I'm at least cognizant of the potential, but it's so difficult to remain aware when dealing with such grief. Here's hoping she can make it through the chemo as easily as possible and that it will help.

Oh, and I only lost 1 pound this week. Better than nothing or gaining, but it's not the 5 I was hoping for. Although, now that we're not going to my MIL's for Thanksgiving, I have more time to get lower before we see them at Christmas.