19 October 2008

a new addition

For the majority of my life, I've striven to be a bit on the unique side. When I was in elementary school, I started wearing ribbons in my hair, and when others started doing so, I stopped. I've always liked unique patterns and colors in my clothing, and for the past 2 years or so, I've tried to have a somewhat edgy haircut and highlights. And, lately, I've been looking for another way to express my individuality. So, what you see is the result. Yep, I got a tattoo on the underside of my wrist. :) My original plan was to get a light henna-colored tattoo to cover the three scars on top of my wrist from surgery, and this pic shows the stencil for that design. When he first began it, I didn't feel much pain, but as he progressed, it got a bit worse; although, I'd describe the feeling as something sharp being scratched across my wrist for the most part. At times, it would get a little worse, but it was by far no the worst pain I've felt in my life. Unfortunately, when I looked at what he had done (b/c I didn't watch while he was doing it), my blood pressure and sugar plummeted. I got incredibly light-headed, sweaty, and irrational. I think that when I saw the color and it was a bit darker than I was expecting, I got scared about having it on top of my wrist for the rest of my life. Or maybe the nervousness just built up and finally released when I actually saw it. I don't know. So, after recovering, I decided to listen to my body and not proceed. But now that I've had time to think about it, I'm reconsidering. I'm now trying to decide between adding a 3rd leaf to the top right line, finishing off the bottom right line w/ a small spiral w/ a small unfurling leaf at the end, and dots around the left-most swirl OR having just the left side of the original design done on top of my wrist to cover the scars and adding some dots above the left swirl. Any opinions?

08 October 2008

What once was ...

I know I shouldn't be dwelling on the past, but I can't seem to help myself. Tomorrow's the 9th anniversary of our "big" wedding. And, that's what this pic is from. We both look really happy here. In looking for this pic, I looked at a bunch more that I shouldn't have. It makes me so sad to think of those times. Instead of being able to remember the happy times, it just reminds me of what I no longer have. How do I just forget these days? How do I get through my birthday, his birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas w/out sadness? I just don't know.

I applied to graduate yesterday which temporarily made me very happy. I can't believe I'm already half way through this semester, and then there's only next semester left. But then I found out I can't just ask them to put my maiden name on my diploma. I have to have legally changed my name in order to get the university to change it all prior to them ordering diplomas in February in order to not have my married name on my diploma. And, even if I get my name changed in say, a year, I can't go back to the university and ask them to re-print my diploma w/ my maiden name b/c they'll only print it w/ what my name was while I was a student. So that leaves me w/ only one choice if I want my maiden name on it; I have to change it now which opens up a whole new can of worms. I then have to change my name on a million things not to mention the mental and emotional impact of it. Yes, life could be worse; I do understand this. But, I sincerely hope it doesn't get worse for me.