30 April 2006

2nd to last ...

personal milestone. I bought a pair of size 8 jeans from Eddie Bauer today! Woo-hoo! I can not believe I'm in a size 8; that is just toooo unbelievable for me!

I thought of this good one today: you know you've had WLS when instead of fast food bags empty water bottles litter your car.

29 April 2006

I'd like to exchange this please ...

I went to my regular doctor yesterday because I've been having these horribly debilitating foot cramps. What's odd about them is that they only occur in my right foot, and it seems to only happen on the same night I do the elliptical. They're awful! I can usually feel one coming on, so I've gotten a little better at stopping them. But, when they do, oh, man! My entire foot locks up with my big toe pointing downward, the other toes kind of crunching up and the entire foot just throbbing in pain! And, what's most horrible about them is they tend to come in multiples! So, I'll get rid of one only to have another one come on. So, anyways, I was afraid they might be due to a nutritional deficiency, so I wanted to have it checked out. One piece of good news, my blood pressure was 104/61! (I never had high enough blood pressure to be put on medication, but it was always on the high side of normal.) So, yippie! He checked out the foot, listened to what I had to say and then ordered some bloodwork. I'll let you know how it comes out.

Unofficially, I am 149.2 lbs today! I say unofficially b/c I shouldn't be weighing myself every day, but lately, I've been unable from keeping myself from doing it each morning before I get in the shower. So, we'll see what it is on Tuesday. Going to the doctor, though, helped me come to the realization about why 149 lbs is significant for me. When I stepped on the scale, the nurse put the first weight at the 100 lb mark, but I told her I was at 150 on my home scale. So, she had to move it up to the 150 lb mark instead. So, even though the upper weight will have to be all the way at the end of the scale, that lower one will be at 100 lbs as of today! Woo-hoo!!!

It is an absolutely amazing day here today, so my husband and I drove to Watkins Glen to go to the state park. Unfortunately, the gorge trail was closed still, but we were able to find one of the upper trails that afforded us some views of the gorge. There were some rather steep parts of the trail, and I greeted them with joy. Seriously. I know I've said it before, but I still can't get over what a joy it is to do these things now. I can't imagine my life without them, and I don't know why I chose to live without them for so long. Here's a pic of me after having gone about 3/4 the way up the trail. I've been feeling really good about myself lately, and I hope it shows. Oh, and speaking of small achievements: I went to lunch with some of my co-workers yesterday, and when we were ready to go, I stopped by another table where my husband and a few of his co-workers were eating. My co-workers went on ahead, so by the time I was finished talking w/ my husband and his co-workers, mine were way ahead. I didn't want to walk back to my office by myself, so I made the decision to run to catch up with them. It was only about a 1/2 block that I ran, but it felt so truly good. Not so much the running part but the fact that I could run and easily. And, I ordered a new bathing suit yesterday! Our first kayaking class is May 9th, so I wanted to make sure I had something before then. I figured I'd need to order a large, but after comparing my actual measurements to their size guide, it came out to a medium! Yeah! I'm so hoping that the $125 investment will be useful next year too! It's a very cute wrap tankini top, a pretty standard bottom and a skirt to go on top when I'm not wearing the wetsuit for kayaking (the wetsuit's gonna be scary!). Hopefully, I'm not too hideous in it!

25 April 2006

One more down and 16 to go!

Sure, I would have rather have lost more (especially since I was down to 150 on Saturday but back up to 151 on Sunday), but I'll take the one. It's much better than nothing! Could I be satisfied with where I'm at right now? Probably, but I really want more. I'd really like there to be less fat available to spread within my loose skin when I sit down. I truly am pleased with how my abdominal area looks when I'm standing ... even when naked, and I'm beginning to like how my legs look again when standing. But, sitting is an entirely different matter! Yes, I know it could be worse, but the spread is just too much when there aren't clothes constricting it! (And, of course, I "discovered" it at a most inopportune time, with, shall I say, my husband around!) Unfortunately, with the goal of going back to school full-time in the near future, I just can't justify spending money for plastic surgery! So, I've just got to lose the last 16 lbs; then, maybe, I'll be able to deal with the naked, sitting me.

I'm happy to report that I've finally learned to eat (and like!) cottage cheese! It's just so the perfect food that I've been trying to get myself to eat it for a long time. Thankfully, I discovered I can tolerate it by getting Breakstone's Cottage Doubles. Fourteen grams of protein per serving! And, by taking just tiny bites of the fruit with the cottage cheese, I'm not getting all of the sugar! Yippie! Unfortunately, though, I've also discovered I like coffee but only in non-fat, sugar free vanilla latte form, so it's freaking expensive! I've _never_ been a coffee drinker, so this is surprising for me! So many of my tastes have changed since surgery, but I'll still never eat a raw tomato. Yucko!

21 April 2006

Skewed Perception

I set up a videoconference today (a pretty normal part of my job), but what was different today was that I had the outgoing video projected on the side screen. This screen is probably 6'x6', so when I went to the lectern to set up things there, I got to see myself in a very large format. I swear I jumped when I saw myself! (Thankfully, none of the participants had arrived yet.) Sure, I see myself every day, but it's typically in the same old mirrors. And, it's a reflection not a large, projected image! I couldn't believe that skinny person looking at me, was me! Mind you, I have a completely different opinion of myself when looking at a naked me, so I guess that's where my skewed perception likely stems from. But, given that there are only a select few who get to (or must) see me naked, I guess I should strive to base my opinion of myself in clothes. And, as such, I also recommend to others of you out there on your way downward to expose yourself (not indecently, though!) to different mirrors (and on video, if possible) as often as possible. It can really help you see yourself more accurately!

18 April 2006


Today, I am normal. Well, normal according to the CDC's Adult BMI Calculator, at least. This is a pretty significant achievement for me. Yes, I know it's just a determination from the government, but it's nice to be in the range of normalcy. Most of my life, I've actually striven at not being "normal". In middle school, for example, I started wearing a ribbon in my hair, and as soon as a bunch of other girls started doing the same, I stopped. I paint my toenails odd colors; they're currently an aqua-green. I prefer to be unique and have changed my style if it becomes the norm. But, in this regard, I'm thrilled to be normal!

Now, I've got 3 more milestones: under 150 lbs (b/c 150 still seems "overweight" to me), size 8 pants and my goal weight of 135 lbs. I'm now just 3 lbs from 149 lbs, my size 10 pants are starting to become a little loose and I'm just 17 lbs from my goal. Not much further ... to get me to what may be one of the biggest challenges yet, maintaining!

16 April 2006

Happy Easter!

My husband went to my parents' church with me today. I asked him to about a week ago, and happily he agreed. At the end of the service, we were waiting in the vestibule for a couple with a baby that I wanted to see to come out of the sanctuary when one of the women who's noticed my weight loss all along says, "You're looking so fantastic! (to me) Then, it must be so different now; you've been married to two different women! (to my husband)" And, despite being a bit uncomfortable about being in church showing off the cleavage my dress creates, I felt really good in my dress. Other than my wedding gown (and dress), the last time I wore a dress was for my sister-in-law's high school graduation in 2000. The dress was a size 22 (I still have it), and I wore a sweater over it. The sweater you see behind the sweater I wore today in fact. The dress difference is even more dramatic, but I didn't want to get dog fur all over it as it's white and I'm going to try to sell it at the consignment shop. It was just so nice wearing a dress and feeling really good about it.

After church, we went to my parents' house where my mom had ham and scalloped potatoes cooking in the oven. I made lemon-pepper green beans and brought the Strawberry Swirl Frozen Pie featured in last week's Living After WLS Recipe Newsletter. I ate four very thin slices of ham, about a 1/4 cup of the green beans and a 1/4 cup of the potatoes. Then came the pie. It was really, really good! And, I was good and had just 1/16th of the pie, the correct WLS portion. In all a very nice Easter. I hope y'all had a good one too!

11 April 2006

Had a bad ... day? week? Arghhh!

Well, it's officially happened. Not only did I not lose anything this past week I gained a pound. :( I started out the week well and even lost a pound early on and up until this morning I'd maintained my weight, but when I stepped on the scale this morning, it read 155. Dangit! I could give myself lots of excuses: I got my period on Sunday, so it's water weight; I've been stressed out over a work issue, so it's stress related; I did a lot of things in the evenings last week (which for the social life is good), so I didn't have as much time to work out; but what it comes down to is that I was too lax with myself. I noshed at a few jelly beans left over from my nieces' Easter baskets, I convinced myself that a night time snack was ok even though I wasn't that hungry, I let my social activities get in the way of the exercise I need to do, I didn't drink enough water. Am I being hard on myself? Sure! But, I need to be in order to keep myself going in the right direction. I want to get to my goal weight! I must get to my goal weight! I know I can get to my goal weight! I'm not saying I'm always going to be perfect b/c I know I won't be, but I can't let myself have so many excuses. Updating my ticker upward sucks big time!!

08 April 2006

The Dr. Is In

Had 2 doctor appointments this past Wednesday. The first was w/ the nurse practitioner at my surgeon's office; I've been having some pain for about 2 weeks in the lower-left abdominal area, and since I was going up there to see the gynecologist anyway, I got myself an appointment. I was a little disappointed in that the person who brought me back to the exam room didn't ask to weigh me and then even more disappointed because I waited over a half hour from my appointment time for the nurse practitioner to come in to see me. Once she finally came in (and I let her know she needed to be quick b/c I had another appointment at a different hospital in less than a half hour), she pushed, poked, prodded and even thwacked me to see if she could produce the pain. It doesn't hurt all the time, and it feels as though someone is pulling on something in there when it happens. So, she decided to order a CT scan to see if she could determine if it's an adhesion, hernia or something going on with the cysts on my ovaries. Thankfully, she was fine w/ me scheduling it down here so that I don't have to go back up there again.

I was only about 10 minutes late for my 2nd appointment, and it ended up that the doctor was running behind too (big surprise, huh?!). We talked about how I've been feeling since she lowered my Avandia dosage, if I've had any more of my weakness spells and about the pain I've been having. She agreed w/ the course of the CT scan for the pain and asked that she be appraised of the results as well. She was very pleased with my weight loss and even said that she didn't think I needed to lose anymore; although, she didn't think it was so bad when I told her I wanted to lose 19 more. She even said that she had a few other patients w/ PCOS who'd had the surgery and she felt I'd been the most successful. That was really nice to hear. She's going to have me do another fasting blood draw to determine what my fasting glucose and insulin levels are to see if she's willing to have me STOP taking Avandia! Yippie! It's only 1 pill a day, but to cut anything out would be awesome! And when I mentioned the kayaking, she said that was a great activity as the latest research shows that patients with PCOS/insulin resistance have better luck reducing the insulin resistance with increased muscle mass, so that's very cool!

After leaving the hospital, I decided to do a little shopping before going to my haircut appointment. I found 2 shirts, 2 pairs of capris and 2 very pretty camis at Eddie Bauer for less than $100! And, the shirts are a Medium! Although, one of the pairs of pants is a 12; I'll never get why it is sizes within a brand vary so much.

Then came the trauma. After the person was finished cutting and styling my hair, she handed me a mirror so I could see the back after she spun me around. Almost immediately upon seeing the back of my hair, I felt the tears welling up. I could really see my scalp though my hair. I felt really badly because the person cutting my hair wasn't the normal person I see, so she knew nothing about me. And, on top of that, she's pregnant, so I'm sure her emotions are all out of whack. It just really hit me because I don't normally look at the back of my head, and with all the bright, overhead lights it made it really obvious. It truly sucks, but would I give myself more hair in exchange for the 120lbs I've lost? NO WAY!!

So, on the way home, I stopped at an outlet mall because I was in search of a dress (yes, a dress) for Easter. I found an absolutely gorgeous (on sale!) one at J Crew. I'll have someone take a pic of me in it to show you! I just can't believe I'm happy (much less willing) to be seen in a dress, and it's a size 10 to boot! Oh, and when I asked the sales person if they had a white sweater to wear with it (because I fear it may still be a little chilly next weekend, and the dress has just spaghetti straps), she asked what size, a Medium? I loved it!

Tonight the hubby and I are going out with friends from NYC who are in town for the weekend, and tomorrow we have tickets to see Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab For Cutie! I can't wait!!

03 April 2006

It's Great, to be, a Florida Gator!

Congratulations to my Florida Gators, 2006 NCAA Men's Basketball Champions!!! They kicked butt, 73-57! Man, what a game!

And, check out my ticker! Three pounds lost this week, so I'm down to 154 lbs. That's a total of 120 lbs lost, 2 lbs from a "normal" BMI and only 19 lbs to go to goal! Yippie!

Hiking renewed

My husband and I went hiking both Saturday and Sunday this past weekend. Hiking is something I grew up doing with my parents when we lived in Washington. Once we left Washington, we typically hiked while on vacation during the summers, but once I went away to college, the hiking pretty much stopped. I'd always enjoyed it, but it got to be too difficult ... so much so that it was no longer enjoyable. I have some nice hiking boots that my parents got me in about 1992, and during one of my many moves, I was ready to throw them out. I said it was because they'd sat unused for so many years and had been in the garage so they were covered in dirt and who knows what else. But, my husband suggested I keep them. I don't recall thinking this at the time I wanted to throw them out, but I suspect now that I wanted to throw them out because they reminded me of what I could no longer do. And, I figured I'd never be able to use them again. Thankfully, my husband prevailed, and they were kept. So, when we decided to go hiking Saturday, I was happy to find them, clean them up a little and put them on.

Saturday's hike was around 2.5 miles with varying terrain. Then, yesterday's was about 1.5 miles over much more uneven terrain with one section being a choice between a very narrow corner next to a drop-off or a very steep slope. I have had balance issues over the past years due to my weight, and even though I know my balance should be much better now, I still feared the narrow corner. But, with a little coaxing from my husband I did it, and the traverse back was easier. The amazing thing for me was that I could do it all with relative ease, and with the exception of minor leg soreness today, I'm absolutely fine. And, that makes me so glad ... not only because I was able to return to something I used to enjoy because I've lost the weight but because I know that had I not been doing the elliptical and other exercise all along the hikes wouldn't have been as easy (and thoroughly enjoyable) as they were.

I also had a moment of realization with my husband yesterday. I _know_ that I'm smaller than him now, but I'd been bigger than him for so long that my brain just automatically thinks that. So, I decided to try on one of his T-shirts, one that fits him rather snugly, and it was completely baggy on me!!! I think it also hit him with this as well. It's just one of those unconscious things that it takes something like that to smack you in the face. I liked it a lot.