04 June 2010

I'm a terrible blogger!

I guess I seem only to post when going through turmoil. Nonetheless, turmoil I have. Coursework for my masters is complete (yay), but my research and thesis aren't finished. I have until July 30th as the drop dead date in order to graduate in August. Though, I walked w/ the main university commencement this past Sunday. It wasn't as impactful as last year's, but I'm still glad I did it. Unfortunately, the day didn't go as I'd planned or expected. The man with whom I've spent the last 10 months of my life, the man who's brought me more joy than I even knew possible, the man I planned on spending the rest of my life with, ended our relationship just over a week before my graduation ceremony. The last two weeks for me, in ways, have been harder than when my ex-husband and I split up. How is that possible, you may wonder, when I was w/ my ex-husband for almost 14 years and only knew my boyfriend for just days under a year? Well, our relationship was as a relationship should be. He respected me and I him. We enjoyed every moment we had with each other and looked forward to it each day. My heart ached for him when we weren't together. I never thought to myself, ugh, he's so annoying. Yes, it was only a year, but the feelings never waned in that time. In fact, they only became stronger. So why did he end it? Well, as always, it's complicated. When isn't it, right? The short of it is that I can honestly say I'm not beating myself up about it. It is primarily his issues, but it doesn't change the fact that I love him and miss him dearly. We'd talked about getting married. I truly believe he and I belong together. Yes, through all this, some doubt and questioning have crept in, but reflecting upon all we've done together and said to each other and done for each other, I just can't believe this is happening. I just can't believe I found someone like him, when I wasn't expecting it at all, and that he loved me and treated me the way he did, and now, I'm having to grieve this kind of loss, again. When he came to talk to me, I had one second of fear that's what he was doing, but then I thought to myself, no, our relationship is too strong. Sooo, I'm doing my best to complete my research and thesis and look for a job and not end up living out of a box. Sorry to once again vent, but it is what it is. I hope anyone who still reads me is doing well!


Jill, Mommy of Tanner, Josie (our Clomid baby) and soon to be here, Baby Will. said...

Oh Jenn. I am sending big hugs! It is all good that you only blog in times of turmoil. Sometimes it is a good release.

I can tell you I wish I was reading better stuff though. :o)

It is cliche', but he wasn't good enough for you.

Much Love!

dallian said...

wow what a sad post to stumble upon. i'm truly sorry to hear that and hope everything works out for the best. it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. you will pull through strong :)

Jenn said...

Thank you both. I'm still rather struggling with this loss. He is such an amazing person and was so very good to me, but he's just not himself and is doing things completely out of his character. I know I have to move on, but it's just so very difficult b/c he truly is my soulmate. It's just not meant to be, I guess. And, so, I continue to grieve.

Jenny said...

I'm sorry to hear this. You're a brilliant blogger because i felt completely involved in this.. and you're honesty i envy. PLEASE POST MORE!

my blog is www.jennifermalone.wordpress.com

Jack Kung said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sarah said...

Jenn, just thought i'd say hello. I found your blog by pressing the 'next blog' button from mine, and there you were. Oh, and I'm a landscape architect (although I haven't worked since having my first child 4 years ago). I'm disarmed by your honesty and sending you my best wishes. Sarah

Nando Jesus said...

Hello, Jenn.
Congratulations on the blog. I wish that exceed this time of sorrow. So for him to get back to you again if you do not follow your path and be happy.
May Jesus bless you!

Nando Jesus said...

My blog:

salt lake house cleaning said...

No matter what. You guys look good together.

Saad ali said...

Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your site and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed
reading your site. Any way I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.

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