10 May 2007
I'm struggling in a lot of ways
I'm having a really difficult time with the fact that I still don't know whether or not I've gotten into my desired program. It's a much longer story, but I should know by now and don't. And, it's driving me crazy. Top that off with the facts that my grandmother's likely going to die any day now and someone who I thought was a really good friend has totally cut me off, I'm just really struggling. Work's not so good either; I made the mistake of telling my direct supervisor that I was hoping to go back to school. And, despite asking him not to tell anyone else, he did, our director, and she was all prepared to post my job even though I hadn't submitted my resignation. I'm so thankful I have my husband here to support me, but he's been really busy with work. And, last year taught me that I shouldn't fully depend upon him. I need to find strength within myself to get me through struggles too. Oh, and I'm finding myself dealing with stress by eating, and I'm really unhappy with that. I know just how much sugar I can ingest w/out getting sick, and I do. And, I'm still not exercising regularly. I keep telling myself I'll start again when ... but I never do. I've gained some weight back, not a lot, but it's enough that some of my clothes I was so happy about buying are a bit too snug to wear comfortably. And, that, too, makes me unhappy. I know the key is exercising and getting the snacking under control, but the stress doesn't make that too easy. I must do better, and I sure hope some of these stressors resolve themselves soon.