13 August 2008

It radiates

I don't know that I've ever heard anyone describe what emotional pain feels like. So does that mean it's different for everyone? I really wonder. For me, when it's at its most acute, it's this sensation that radiates outward from my heart ... yes, my heart. So, is that my brain creating the feeling there b/c I've heard so many times that our hearts are where we feel things? Or is it something else? I really don't know. What I do know is that this hurts, like nothing I've ever felt before and something I hope to never feel again. People keep telling me I'm strong, that I'll get through this. Dammit, I don't want to get through this; I want this pain to be over. No, I'm not suggesting I'm going to do something to end the pain; I just want to move beyond the pain. But, nothing I seem to be doing is moving me toward it. I just keep on missing him. There it goes again ...

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