I am utterly horrible at making blog posts these days ...

and it seems finishing my honors thesis as well as picking men with which to have fun. Overall, I'd say I had a relatively good winter break. I had a great time with my sister and her family, my parents, my brother and his family, and my grandfather over Christmas and New Years. My nieces got a Wii for Christmas, so many a days and nights were spent playing w/ it. I seemed to be quite good at the games which used the balance board, but by far, the snowboarding was my favorite.

New Year's Eve was a bit too eventful for my taste. I went to a friend's party and stupidly began drinking at 7pm. I'd say by 11:30pm I was completely gone. I have little to no recollection of midnight through 3am. Then, the hangover the next day was unbelievable! I've never felt so badly after drinking! The 25 year old guy I mentioned in my previous post was there, and apparently, I kissed him at midnight. Yeah, no recollection of it. Since that time, I've seen him one other time, and while I thought things had gone pretty well, it seems they've somehow changed, and now, despite telling him from the beginning that I had no desire for a long-term, serious relationship, he now tells me he's only interested in being friends. A guy that's not interested in just having fun? Really?!

And, the 38 year old guy, while still interesting, just isn't emotionally available. He's totally dedicated to his boys (he has 2 from his previous marriage) for which I thoroughly admire him, but that plus what I see as still some difficulty with how his ex-wife left him makes me believe he can't handle a romantic relationship with anyone.

Were either of these relationships something I thought had the possibility of turning into something serious? Not really. But, I was definitely enjoying the contact, the attention, and in the 25 year old's case, the affection. And, now, to basically lose those things from both, it's just hard. It makes me even lonelier. It's really not about missing my ex anymore; it's about missing the companionship, the affection, the feeling that comes with knowing someone desires you.

Thankfully, along with school starting back up (today was the first day back), I think I've found another way to help make me a little less lonely. I will be adopting a rescue Keeshond. It's all happened very quickly, but I know it's right. I've been looking for a rescue Keeshond since early last semester, and just last week, one came available. Her name is Beatrix, and she's 3 1/2 years old. I'll likely be picking her up this coming Sunday, and if we mesh (which I'm sure we will), I'll be bringing her home with me. I can't wait!

Oh, so the honors thesis. Well, I'd been given some extra time to finish it because of taking two studios last semester, so I was supposed to have it finished by the end of winter break. I'd been working on it throughout last semester, but winter break has come and gone. And, I hardly completed anything more over break. I just couldn't get myself to work on it. So, I've gotten an extension ... of one week. So, yeah, I should be working on it right now instead of posting to my blog. I'll say that I'll try to be better about posting throughout the semester, but I won't lie and say that I absolutely will post more b/c, as my track record shows, it's unlikely. I hope all are well! :)

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday!

I hope all who still read my blog enjoy whichever holiday you celebrate however you choose to do so! Hah, how's that for vagueness?! Seriously, though, the past almost 7 months have shown me how important it is to surround yourself w/ those whom you care for the most, and I so thoroughly look forward to spending time w/ my family, including my sister and her family, this year. I still amaze myself at how well I'm doing. I'm even kind of chatting up two different guys, one who's 38 and the other 25, at the same time! Whee! I'm so not ready for a serious relationship w/ anyone, and I've told them both this. So, I figure, why not?! Oh, and despite all the drama, I still did quite well this semester: 1 A+, 3 As, and 1 B. It's my first below 4.0 semester which, I know, I shouldn't be complaining about. And, I'm not really; I just wish I could have been able to maintain my 4.0+ cumulative GPA. Enjoy yourselves!

It's finally complete!

I got my tattoo finished today ... yay! I sooo love it! It's exactly what I wanted. Classes for this semester are officially over, but I've got 2 final presentations for my 2 studios and a huge take home final to do in the next week and a half. Torture, but I'm still loving it!

Emotionally, I'm doing much better. I think I've actually begun to accept it all and am moving on. I've legally changed my last name already so that I can have it on my diploma. And, I've reconnected w/ a high school classmate (that I had a huge crush on) and am just enjoying the conversation with him. And, it doesn't hurt that he's still really hot. ;) My sister and her family are planning to come up here for Christmas, so that will make getting through the holiday much easier. And, I'm actually looking forward to it now whereas previously I was dreading it. I didn't know I had all this in me, but I'm really proud of myself. :)

a new addition

For the majority of my life, I've striven to be a bit on the unique side. When I was in elementary school, I started wearing ribbons in my hair, and when others started doing so, I stopped. I've always liked unique patterns and colors in my clothing, and for the past 2 years or so, I've tried to have a somewhat edgy haircut and highlights. And, lately, I've been looking for another way to express my individuality. So, what you see is the result. Yep, I got a tattoo on the underside of my wrist. :) My original plan was to get a light henna-colored tattoo to cover the three scars on top of my wrist from surgery, and this pic shows the stencil for that design. When he first began it, I didn't feel much pain, but as he progressed, it got a bit worse; although, I'd describe the feeling as something sharp being scratched across my wrist for the most part. At times, it would get a little worse, but it was by far no the worst pain I've felt in my life. Unfortunately, when I looked at what he had done (b/c I didn't watch while he was doing it), my blood pressure and sugar plummeted. I got incredibly light-headed, sweaty, and irrational. I think that when I saw the color and it was a bit darker than I was expecting, I got scared about having it on top of my wrist for the rest of my life. Or maybe the nervousness just built up and finally released when I actually saw it. I don't know. So, after recovering, I decided to listen to my body and not proceed. But now that I've had time to think about it, I'm reconsidering. I'm now trying to decide between adding a 3rd leaf to the top right line, finishing off the bottom right line w/ a small spiral w/ a small unfurling leaf at the end, and dots around the left-most swirl OR having just the left side of the original design done on top of my wrist to cover the scars and adding some dots above the left swirl. Any opinions?

What once was ...

I know I shouldn't be dwelling on the past, but I can't seem to help myself. Tomorrow's the 9th anniversary of our "big" wedding. And, that's what this pic is from. We both look really happy here. In looking for this pic, I looked at a bunch more that I shouldn't have. It makes me so sad to think of those times. Instead of being able to remember the happy times, it just reminds me of what I no longer have. How do I just forget these days? How do I get through my birthday, his birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas w/out sadness? I just don't know.


I applied to graduate yesterday which temporarily made me very happy. I can't believe I'm already half way through this semester, and then there's only next semester left. But then I found out I can't just ask them to put my maiden name on my diploma. I have to have legally changed my name in order to get the university to change it all prior to them ordering diplomas in February in order to not have my married name on my diploma. And, even if I get my name changed in say, a year, I can't go back to the university and ask them to re-print my diploma w/ my maiden name b/c they'll only print it w/ what my name was while I was a student. So that leaves me w/ only one choice if I want my maiden name on it; I have to change it now which opens up a whole new can of worms. I then have to change my name on a million things not to mention the mental and emotional impact of it. Yes, life could be worse; I do understand this. But, I sincerely hope it doesn't get worse for me.