27 June 2006

Old habits

I realized today that I have an old habit I've yet to change, I don't look at myself in the mirror unless I'm there specifically for the purpose of doing my hair, etc. I can be standing directly in front of a mirror washing my hands or whatever, and I just don't look at myself. I guess it comes from years of not wanting to see my own reflection, but I find it odd that even now, after having lost 134 pounds, my mindset hasn't changed. I guess if I force myself to look at myself whenever I go into a restroom (b/c I do want to see if I've got green stuff stuck in my teeth!) I may eventually change my behavior.

Our house seems so empty now without Koba. Yes, my husband's there, but it's missing a certain energy and presence. There have been a number of occasions since his passing where I know he would have made sure he was taking part in whatever was going on, and in each case, I realized it and missed him sorely which usually resulted in me crying. He was just so sweet, so generous and loving. I know I had 13 1/2 wonderful years; I just wish I could have had more.


Sandi said...

After our first dog passed, we held out for a year saying, we just couldn't possibly get involved in another relationship like that. After awhile though, we just couldn't stand that empty feeling that you described so well. It just doesn't feel RIGHT without a dog there. Our dogs just follow us around, but it's so companionable. So comfortable. You'll never get over the loss of this friend, but it doesn't mean that there should never be other friends...

Melissa said...

Aloha Jenn, So sorry that you are missing Koba alot. It will take time to accept that he is in Doggy Heaven. I believe that there is a doggy heaven.
I know how you feel about mirrors. I also hated mirrors, and still have problems with it, cause you know I don't want to look foolish checking myself in it too much. Smile. That would not be too cool.
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of us all?