The sadness that is losing your best friend

I still don't believe it. This can't really be happening, can it? How can someone who's been my best friend for so long decide to leave me? Every time I see him it hurts and it's especially difficult b/c it doesn't seem to be bothering him ... at least on the surface. We spent 8 hours together going through storage, and not once did he break down, look upset, show any emotion. I, on the other hand, basically yelled at him, cried, and so thoroughly wanted to touch him, to be touched by him. Do you know the scene in Steel Magnolias after Shelby's funeral when Sally Field screams, "Why! I just want to know WHY!!!"? Well, that's me.