I bought a size L!!!!

I went with my sister and niece to Birmingham yesterday afternoon. I had a coupon for $20 off a $50 purchase from J Jill, so I decided to wander into the store. I immediately went back to the sale racks and found they didn't have much there in size XL. So, I decided to look through the L rack as well. (I know their stuff tends to run a little on the large size.) I found a couple of shirts at $9.99 and decided to keep looking around as I'm in serious need of sweater type tops as none of my old sweaters fit anymore. I grabbed an XL in a long sleeved velour top and headed to the dressing rooms. When I slipped it on, I couldn't believe it; it was too big!! I had to send my sister off looking for a Large ... completely surreal!! Woo-hoo!

No weigh-in today

I typically weigh myself every Tuesday, but as I mentioned before, my sister has no scale in her house. It didn't hit me this morning, but as I sat here reading others' blogs, I realized, hey, it's Tuesday! And, I haven't weighed myself. :( I did exercise today for the first time in about a week and a half. We went to a local park where my 9 year old niece and my brother in law were meeting the rest of her soccer team to run. I had the forethought to bring my heart-rate monitor and watch with me, so I was able to monitor my heart-rate as I walked. I always kind of thought I was cheating myself out of "real" exercise by doing the elliptical (I dunno why), but I realized today that's totally crazy. I don't run, so it took me a lot longer to get my heart-rate up to a decent level. I finally got it up to about 148, but with the wind and the fading sun, it had gotten really cold (even for a New Yorker!). So, I only walked for 35 minutes. I don't know how many calories I burned, but at least I was able to get my heart-rate up. It truly makes me realize how much I love my elliptical, though!

This is not going to be so easy ...

I've had probably one of my worst food days ever since surgery. My two nieces are big snackers. They don't necessarily eat bad foods, but they snack a lot. They're both so tiny and do so many activities that's not at all an issue for them, but just by being around them I found myself snacking too ... something I really haven't done since surgery. I didn't do so badly for my meals, but in between lunch and dinner, I had about 3 tbsp roasted and salted soybeans (10 grams of protein, so I didn't feel horribly about this one), probably 15-20 pieces of light popcorn (I was previously proud of myself for not running out and buying popcorn after I found out it was ok to eat occasionally), 2 original Sun chips and probably 10 Goldfish crackers. Arrrghhgh!! I have to make a conscious decision to not allow myself to snack or else this 2 week trip meant to help relax me and allow me to think other things through will end up stressing me out. And, there's no scale in the house, so I have no way of truly knowing how it's affecting me ... other than feeling defeated mentally. Yes, I have a big stressor in my life right now, but I know that if I weren't here w/ all of this snack food around, I wouldn't be doing it. So, I've just got to stop. I'll let you know how it goes.

Traveling is sooo different!

Thanks to my office's Verizon wireless network card w/ unlimited service, I'm currently sitting in the middle of Philadelphia airport in a rocking chair listening to a fine Jazz quartet play the very familiar "Christmas Time Is Here". (I don't know if that's the actual title or not, but it's the song that's played in the Charlie Brown Christmas special when they're skating on the pond.) It makes for a much easier 4 hour layover.

The 37 minute flight here was thoroughly uneventful ... unless you consider easily fitting into my small airplane seat, very easily buckling the seatbelt (without having to ask for a seatbelt extender!) and being able to cross my legs while sitting in my seat eventful. Wait, I consider that _very_ eventful!! I used to travel for business and flew entirely too much; I loathed flying. (I still don't enjoy it, but because of my weight it was torture!) I have vivid memories of the looks people would have on their faces when they realized they were sitting next to me, I dreaded having to ask for the seatbelt extender and in most cases would do everything I could to get the belt secured without having to do so and hated winding up at my destination all sweaty and disheveled just from making my way across airports. I wish I were here under better circumstances, but I can't tell you enough how thrilled I am at the ease with which I was able to board the plane (I didn't hit every other seat with my hips while walking down the aisle ... damn!), sit comfortably in my seat and make my way from terminal F to the center of the airport! I've even found men being kinder to me ... doing things like allowing me to walk through a doorway before them and holding doors open for me, and I've even had two men walk by and say comments to me. They're completely innocuous ... stuff like, you're not going to get any work done with all this noise (the Jazz). But, that's never happened before! I'm not looking for it, but it's nice to know I'm no longer so repulsive to most people.

One downside, after an hour and a half in this wooden rocking chair, my butt's really hurting! See, a smaller ass isn't always so good! Here's to easier travel, though!

Six Month Post-Op Follow-Up

I went to my surgeon's office this past Wednesday for my 6 month post-op follow-up. The surgeon's office has moved to a renovated location in the hospital. They've consolidated all of their offices into one location with one central waiting room. I was called back by a nurse very soon after arriving (which is _very_ different from my previous visits) and was asked to step on the scale. I approached the scale with trepidation knowing because of clothes, having had water and some food that I'd have to weigh more than what I had on my own scale. The first number that popped up was something like 155 lbs, and while I _knew_ that wasn't correct, my brain, of course, jumped at that number. As I watched it jump around, I kind of felt like I was a contestant on the biggest loser. However, in the end their scale confirmed what mine did, a total weight loss of 91 lbs!!

I was then taken into an exam room where I found a very large exam table that reminded me a lot of a massage table in form ... only larger and lower to the ground. I think it's great that when designing these new rooms they took the potential size of their patients into account. However, I found the table very hard and uncomfortable because of how it was positioned in the room relative to where the seat the Dr/Nurse would be sitting. I ended up having to straddle the corner of it in order to sit somewhat facing the nurse but not take up too much of the space she needed. Then, the this person I didn't recognize walked in. She said she was the new nurse practitioner and that the previous NP had left for another job. So, I immediately felt less comfortable than I had in the past. She first asked me how I was doing, and I answered that I felt fantastic physically but not so well emotionally. She asked for more details, and I explained that I was having some emotional difficulties at home but that I didn't feel it was at all related to my weight loss. So, she left it at that. We discussed the few questions I had about the weakness issues I've been having, the spacing of taking my meds and whether or not I could indulge in a few pieces of popcorn every now and then. Then, she talked with me about what their goals were for me. She said that based upon my height and age, my ideal body weight is 134lbs, but she said that was not their goal for me. She said that ideally, they'd like to see me lose 60-80% of my excess body weight at the time of surgery, and that with my 91 lb loss thus far, I'd already achieved 65%! So, needless to say, she was pleased with my loss. We talked about exercise and she suggested that I continue doing the elliptical every other day and do strength training on the off days. She said varying my exercise will be best to promote continued weight loss. And, unfortunately, she said that I could expect my issues with hair loss to continue for up to a year and that it probably wouldn't grow back as thickly. (Not a good thing for someone who started with fine, thin hair!)

Overall, I felt the appointment went well. She said that I'd come back in another 6 months for my 1 year follow up but that I could always call if I had any questions. She also explained that I could always call the nutritionists if I had any specific nutrition/diet questions.

After finding lunch at Panera Bread, I made my way to another hospital where I had an appointment w/ a PCOS OB/GYN specialist. We talked about my history and proposed treatment options for about 50 minutes and decided it was best to get some blood to see what levels things are at so as to determine how my meds might need to be modified. She also asked that I have a fasting blood draw to check blood glucose and insulin levels since she knew I wouldn't tolerate a glucose tolerance test. So, I'm very interested to see how that all will come out.

I've decided to fly down to my sister's in Alabama for Christmas so as to be able to hopefully somewhat take my mind off of my current relationship problems. So, I'll be leaving tomorrow and will be back on January 2nd. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. What I'm struggling with most is not knowing what's best to do so as to show my husband I'm very interested in working as hard as I need to to make this work but not wanting to seem like I'm pushing too hard.