at least I had a good time. I've (happily) managed to see my husband every day over the past 3 days. On Friday, we went out to dinner at my asking. We went to Chilis as I felt it would be noisy enough that we wouldn't feel uncomfortable actually talking but not so noisy that we wouldn't be able to talk. After dinner, we decided to go back to his office to look up online what movies were playing (as neither of us wanted the night to end). We couldn't find anything playing that either of us was really interested in, so we ended up hanging out in his office for a while until we both decided we were too tired and needed to go home. We agreed to get together again on Sunday for coffee/tea.
Then, yesterday, I got an email from him because he'd seen that I had logged into our mail server, and he wanted to tell me that he'd picked up a new cable modem and that I could have the one that we used at our house. (I've been w/out internet access at home since he left; somewhat of a luxury, I know but tough to live w/out when you've had it for so long!) Thankfully, I've convinced work to pay for it, so I'm not adding any other monthly expenses to my list. Anyways, during the 2 hour drive home from where I was when he emailed me, I decided to ask him if he wanted to go to a local sports bar to watch the football game he'd been watching, get dinner and give me an opportunity to pick up the cable modem. He happily agreed, and again, we both had a good time. We talked a lot (with me doing most of the talking) as I'd come to the realization while driving earlier in the day that I'd been living my life as though I wasn't allowed to control it. I just took things as they came and thought that I was a strong person because of it. But, what I've realized is that I wasn't being strong at all; I was just taking the easy way out (for me at least). So, now, what I have to do is take control of my life and do what _I_ want. (Although, I do have a hope that I'll be able to do what I want beside him.)
Today, I decided to ask him if he'd like to go to a local bird conservatory that neither of us had ever been to before. We didn't spend a lot of time there, and it wasn't very conducive to talking. But, I think that the time we spent together was valuable. After doing a little bird watching from inside, reading the few exhibits and watching a short program, we decided to take a short walk on one of the trails. Despite being a little bit of a warmer day, the trails were still snowy with a nice layer of ice underneath. So, there were a number of occasions where he slipped b/c he wasn't wearing the best shoes for the snow/ice. (Usually, I'm the less sure-footed one slipping all over the place.) At some point on the trail, I decided to take his hand (not for extra walking support but so as to be closer to him) but had visions of letting go of it as soon as I felt him falling (if that happened). But, when the time came, instead of letting go, I instinctually held on tighter even though I knew if he fell I would have gone with him. I guess it sort of sums up how I feel about our marriage now; while I've accepted his need to be apart from me for now, I'm just not ready to let go yet. I know we've got it in us to work this out.