You're kidding, right?!

I went to the mall with my husband today with the intention of helping him (not because he needed it but because I enjoy shopping) pick out a new dress shirt for work. The mall where we live is small, so there aren't a lot of choices. We started at Old Navy, moved on to Gap (where he found a shirt he liked but wasn't so sure b/c of the price), American Eagle, Aeropostale and finally Abercrombie & Fitch. I hadn't been in an American Eagle in years and neither of us had ever been in Aeropostale or Abercrombie & Fitch. The button downs in Old Navy, AE and Aeropostale were too casual for him, and those in Abercrombie, while very nice, were way overpriced. So we went back to Gap. He decided to purchase one and while he was checking out I meandered over to the women's side even though I've not had much luck there before. I found the cutest spring coat on sale for $39.99 (originally $88) and decided to try it on. I found a large (but still had reservations that I'd need the XL as it was Gap after all), and slipped it on. I made my way over to a mirror and was inspecting myself when my husband walked in from the men's side. I asked if he liked it (as it is a little busy and different), and they had the same style in a solid light blue for the same price. He said he did, but I decided I needed to get another woman's opinion as well. I asked a salesperson and the woman being checked out what they thought. They both said they liked it, and then, get this, the salesperson said, but I think you need a smaller size. I'm sure I gave her a look of complete disbelief. I turned and looked at my husband, and he just gave me the biggest smile. So, she returned with the MEDIUM, and it fit!! I am still in a state of shock that I came home with the medium. Then, to top it off as we were walking out, my husband says to me, that guy was just checking you out. Bizarre.

I am so sore!

I took a Tai Chi class last night with a co-worker. It was an hour and a half long class, and with the exception of the first position we did (which we held for about 10 minutes), it didn't seem that long at all. There weren't any weights or anything other than my own body used for resistance. But, man am I feeling it today! Most of the moves were done in the horse position which is accomplished by spreading the feet just a little over shoulder-width apart, pointing the toes outward about 20 degrees, bending the knees so that the knee caps are directly over the top of the feet and tucking the hips in so that the spine is completely straight. And, despite my thighs not hurting too much during the class, they're completely killing me today! It's not debilitating, but doing normal things like walking down steps, sitting down and bending over are torturous. But it feels good at the same time, you know? And, clearly, it worked muscles that neither the elliptical nor the cord resistance program do. So, I plan to go back next week; it's very cool (even though I pretty much sucked at it).

I'm a mouse killer ...

I found another dead mouse yesterday. I'd set a 2nd trap in the drawer under the stove because I'd seen droppings there too. I checked it soon after finding the first dead one but assumed there was only the one mouse, so I forgot about it. Then, on Thursday morning, I noticed a smell emanating from the kitchen. I checked the garbage and found it to be rather foul, so before work, I took it out. Unfortunately, when I got home from work, not only was the smell still there, it was worse! And, then I knew it. I opened the stove drawer and found the trap no longer set. I opened it a little more, and saw the tail sticking out from the covered trap. Ewwww!!!! So, now I'm down two mice, but I'm also out of traps. And, because of my innate chickenness, I'll have to continue buying the $4 covered traps instead of the 79 cent regular traps. I do _not_ like this one bit! This situation coupled with the water quality (not only does the water smell and taste bad, I swear my hair falls out less when I shower just once at my parents' (or elsewhere), and I've never had one of my shower weakness episodes elsewhere) leads me to believe it's unlikely I'll want to stay here after our lease is up ... regardless of where my husband's living. But, I _love_ the layout of the place, the amount of room we have for various stuff (although I've been seriously thinking about having a major garage sale this spring to get rid of a lot of this stuff), the big yard and most of all the radiant floor heat. That has got to be the best kind of heating system ever! And, I absolutely hate moving, but we'll see I guess.

Whew!

Well, I thought I'd done myself in, sand-bagged myself, etc. I mentioned last week that I was pleased because over the last eight months I'd not had even one week where I didn't lose at least one pound. I decided to step on the scale yesterday morning to see where I was, and the number was exactly the same as it was the previous Tuesday, 165. Ugh! Of course I thought to myself, I jinxed myself! But I really knew why the scale hadn't moved; I only did the elliptical 1 time during the week, and other than my daily activities (which are pretty active) I hadn't done any other form of exercise. And, not only had I not consistently exercised, I've been snacking a lot at night. I must stop it right now! There have been some nights where I've felt hungry and have given in to the snacking demon because of it, but it's more likely that I've been snacking at night just because I want to. I got in the habit of doing it, so each night my brain was calling for it. I at least wasn't pigging out; I'd have some popcorn or some soup crackers and one time I had 90 calories worth of no sugar added ice cream. But, I don't _need_ any of it, and even if I did that means I'm not giving myself enough food at dinner which is where I should be getting my fill for the night ... of the healthy foods I eat for dinner. Knowing that earlier in the day my weight hadn't budged and I was out most of the evening on campus for a lecture, I managed to refrain from snacking last night. And, when I stepped on the scale this morning (my official weigh-in day), it had moved ... exactly one pound. Never before had I been so happy to see the scale move just one pound. It's entirely under my control, and I'm going to do better this week.

Bizarre weekend

Yesterday, I woke up with a pinch in my neck presumably from sleeping oddly on it somehow. As such, everything I tried to do caused pain. Everything but sitting on my butt in front of the TV, that is. So, that's what I did ... despite needing to do the elliptical, clean up the kitchen, vacuum the house, mop just about the whole house and do laundry. I farted around on the computer, watched the Olympics, read and watched a good portion of season 2 from Sex in the City. And, as the day crept by, I felt worse and worse both physically and mentally. Each time I got up, my head would spin, and I felt weak. And, mentally, I felt extremely guilty about doing nothing all day long even though I have only myself to answer to. I took multiple Tylenol, took a hot shower letting the water run on my neck for a long time and used a lavender-filled neck roll heated for 2 minutes in the microwave all to no avail.

I woke up this morning still with a twinge of pain in my neck but decided I couldn't let it keep me from doing what I needed to do. After munching down my daily Kashi breakfast bar and banana, I hopped on the elliptical. At some point during my time on the elliptical, I noticed the pain was gone! Damnit! Why didn't I just do this yesterday?! So, today's just been full of accomplishing those things that I needed ( and wanted) to do. The only thing really left to do is clean up the kitchen, but now that I've cooked Black Bean Turkey Chili and taken everything that was in the stove drawer out (b/c the mouse was yet again all over it) to be washed again, the mess is much bigger, and it's unlikely I'll get it cleaned up tonight. I loathe washing dishes. :P

One of the things that I accomplished today was throwing away the dead mouse that the trap I bought caught. I finally gave in and bought traps on Friday because the previous night the thing chewed through the plastic lid to a container of dog treats. And, after telling my co-workers about it, they proceeded to tell me stories of how much they pee and crap all over the place. And, not only do they scare the crap out of me the idea of having their excrement all over the kitchen was enough to make me want to get rid of it. And, since it was pointed out to me that even if I were to humanely trap it and set it free outside far away from the house it would probably still die due to the cold and lack of food, I decided the snap trap was the way to go. I hated doing it, but I just couldn't take having it around anymore. I set them on Friday night, and by Saturday morning, I found one of the traps no longer "set". They were covered traps, so I couldn't see much (as I really didn't want to see much). Even with the traps being covered, I couldn't stand the idea of getting anywhere near it. But, today, I decided having it dead inside my cabinet wasn't a good thing either. So, I mustered about all the courage I could and threw it in a small, lined garbage can and then dumped that into the big can in the garage. I'm very sorry Mr./Ms. Mouse, but we just couldn't continue to co-exist.

And, I know I've said it once before, but it warrants another time. I just _love_ my iPod! While completing the myriad of tasks, I was jamming to it, and it made the whole thing pass so much more quickly. Previously, I'd try listening to CDs while cleaning and would find it impossible to do without blasting the neighbor, so it's perfect b/c I can just take it along w/ me regardless of whether I'm vacuuming or cooking or watering/tending my plants, etc.

All right, I've blathered on enough about nothing. If you've read this far, you're a good friend. :)

It's so nice when people notice ... and say something

One of our vendors for our distance learning equipment came by today, and while he was working in one of our control rooms, I stopped by to see if he needed anything. The last time I'd seen him was just a couple of weeks before my surgery, so it had been a while. We finished talking about the work stuff, and he asked me if I'd lost weight. I said, yes, I've lost 109lbs actually. Wow, well you look fantastic, he says. He asked if I just did it through diet & exercise or was it "you know" and he motioned toward the stomach. Did this man really need to know I'd had WLS? Nope, but I told him, yes, I had gastric bypass surgery. He says, how's that working out for you? I smiled and said, um, well, I've lost 109lbs. He looked a little uncomfortable and then said, well, yeah, but I mean are you feeling well? (So maybe he'd known someone who'd had the surgery before and didn't do so well?) I said, yes, I'm feeling fantastic! Well, you look absolutely fantastic, he says, congratulations! Guess there are still some nice (but not perverted) guys out there. :)

And unexpected downside to WLS? I've lost so much weight that my wedding and engagement rings will now fall right off. And, unlike my husband, I don't want to stop wearing them. (Yes, it's bothering me.) They're insured, thankfully, and I tried using one of the plastic ring guard thingies. But, it irritated the heck out of me. And, unfortunately, the jeweler where we got them is in California. Yeah, I know I could take them elsewhere, but I'm anal about them and don't wanna. For now, I'm just going to have to be really careful with them.

Disappointment turned joy

If you read my previous post you know I was disappointed I hadn't lost enough weight this week to get me to 110 lbs lost. But as I thought about it more today, I came to a realization. I didn't get to 110 lbs lost this week; so what?! What I did accomplish was losing 3 lbs this week, and considering I'm now 8 months out that's pretty darned amazing especially when you take into account that I haven't been perfect over the last week ... much less the last 8 months. And, get this, in the last 8 months I have not had even one week where I didn't lose at least one pound. Amazing. Just 30 lbs more to my goal. Thirty pounds!! I am joyous.

I like my parents' scale better

Well, I was thinking I'd be down to at least 164 lbs today (based on my parents' scale), but alas, the scale read 165 this morning. Bummer. Oh well! Next week, right?

I can't believe I forgot to mention this, but while shaving my legs the other day (because I knew I'd be trying on skirts and I didn't want to scare anyone because during the winter shaving my legs isn't a top priority), I discovered something rather horrifying! When I propped my foot up on the edge of the tub and leaned over to try and shave the back of my thighs, I saw it, a bunch of skin (and fat too, I presume) hanging from my upper thigh. It is disgusting. What's odd is that when I'm just standing up normally, it's not really noticeable (unlike a few areas on the front of my thighs where I've got slight folds in the skin developing). But, what I do know is that there is _no way_ I will ever put myself into a bathing suit in public without having some sort of surgery on my thighs. Ugh! Oh, and I think that the stretch marks on my abdomen (which are now more obvious thanks to shrinking) look like streams and tributaries on a map. Not that I ever had hopes of running around in a bikini or baring my midriff like all the little chickies like to do, but ewwww!

Oh, and it seems my fears were unfounded. I knew they would be, but I still let myself go there. Dangit!

Time for more shopping

I went down to my parents' yesterday to spend the weekend there. And, after taking 6 more pieces of too big clothing to the consignment shop (there's a limit of 6 pieces/day) and collecting my $20 from the previous 6 pieces (yeah!), my mom and I made our way over to the bastion of consumerism (the mall) so I could hopefully fulfill my quest to find a skirt to go with a jacket I already had. I figured I'd have the most luck at Kaufmann's, so we started there. I, of course, picked through the clearance racks first and found a skirt in the right color, but it was a size 16 and I wasn't so sure about the style. But, it was marked down to $9.99 with an extra 20% off that! Then, my mom found the same skirt in a 12, but did I put the 16 back? Nope, I had doubt that the 12 would fit. The pickings were rather slim, so I decided to go ahead and try what I had on. The 12 fit, but ewwww, not a good style on me. So, we left Kaufmann's for the rest of the mall. The next store on my agenda? The ole' LB. I was hoping to find some bras on clearance. It was an odd experience; we walked in and I immediately recognized the employees. But, unlike my previous experiences, neither of them said anything to us. We were completely ignored! And, it's not like we just stuck our heads in and left; the bras are all the way at the back of the store! But, absolutely nothing, not a word! Just bizarre. And, of course, there were no 36 anythings to be found. So, given my lack of luck in the bra department at LB, I decided to go to Victoria's Secret. They of course had bras in my size, but absolutely nothing was on sale. You have got to be kidding me?! $42 for one bra!! Not gonna happen! Did I really want to spend money? No way! But, there were things I _needed_, dangit! So, it was off to my replacement for LB, Eddie Bauer. I _so_ love this store! I found a size 12 skirt (that fit!) and the cutest lace-trimmed camisole. Woo-hoo! I'm gonna look so cute for V-Day dinner!

Speaking of the husband, he's in Boston visiting friends this weekend, and if any of you live in the Northeast or have been following the weather, you'll know Boston's been inundated with snow. Normally, I'd just be thrilled that it didn't hit us, but as he was supposed to drive home today, the weather's made that impossible. So, what does that mean for me? Another day of worry. Worry about him driving home? Not so much. I mean, it's always a concern especially when weather's a factor, but my worry is the debauchery I've envisioned is taking place. The friend he's staying with is _very_ single, and I can only imagine what types of things he had planned for the weekend. I trust my husband, but the irrational, insecure part of me fears what could happen given the influence of alcohol, his friend and the attention of beautiful women. Arghghgh! I must not think about it! I'm probably just wasting my time worrying for no reason, but I can't bloody well help it!

Tuesday is my 8-month surgery anniversary. I'm really hoping to be at a total loss of 110 lbs, and given that I somewhat cheated today and weighed myself on my parents' scale and it read 162 (which I know is wrong, but hey!), I think it's possible. Yeah!

Scale dementia?

I stepped on the scale before getting in the shower this morning (as I always do on Tuesday) hoping to find I'd lost at least another couple of pounds. I watched as the scale did its thinking until the number came up, and I literally about fell off. Whaaaa?!?! I had gained 9 lbs?!?! No, freaking, way! I stepped off, let it clear itself and stepped back on ... the same weight came up. Oh my gosh; how on earth could I have possibly gained 9 lbs?! Then I remembered that I had cleaned the scale on Sunday while cleaning the bathroom. Maybe when I sprayed it with cleaner some of the liquid got down into the electronics and knocked it out of whack? So, I got in the shower and began plotting how I was going to figure this out. By the time I was ready to get out of the shower, I had decided I was going to take my big bottle of shampoo and weigh it on the bathroom scale then take it to the kitchen scale (hoping it would weigh enough to register on the bathroom scale but not too much to not register on the kitchen scale) so as to see if there was a difference. Mind you, I figured there wouldn't be a 9 lb difference, but I surmised the difference might "scale up" as the weight of the object being weighed increased. But, as I stepped out of the shower, I realized, duh! you didn't gain 9 lbs, and the scale's not wrong (at least I don't think it is); you lost a pound dummy! For some reason, my demented mind was thinking (at 5am mind you) that I weighed 159 last week not 169, so when I saw 168, well, I panicked of course! I still wish it had been more, but I'm _thrilled_ I didn't actually gain 9 pounds!

I wore size 12 pants today!!!

I bought them over the weekend from JCrew for $13.98! Quite the deal, huh?! I was looking through the clearance racks and and was so excited to find these for such an incredible price, but the largest size I could find were the twelves. They also had a sweater I liked (and needed to try on), so I decided to make my way back to the dressing rooms. The weirdo dressing room attendant told me "he had my back" as he let me into the room and proceeded to tell everyone else he subsequently let into a room something similarly odd. Anyways, I was hesitant in my attempt to bring them up over my butt and stomach but found I was able to easily zip up and button them! I own a size 12!!! Holy cow!! My mom wears a size 12 (except that she doesn't really anymore; she's now more like an 8 or 10), but she did for the longest time! Sooo, the next milestones for me will be below 150 lbs and a size eight. I look forward to them.

I managed to convince my husband to go up to the outlets with me (even though he wasn't really planning on doing much in the way of shopping for himself ... as I found out later). He had a haircut scheduled for that morning, so we agreed he'd just come over to the house afterward. I swear he wasn't in the house 5 minutes and I practically jumped him (at least that's how he says it happened). I will admit I was all over him. I don't know what it is for sure, but since we've not been living together, I find myself getting into a rather amorous mood when I'm around him. And, dang, it is _by far_ the best sex we've ever had! Oh_my_gosh! He's been working out more, and his chest, arms and legs are just so darn sexy! I can't help myself! (Ok, enough of the !s.) How does this all relate to WLS? Well, even if we didn't have the influence of not being around each other all the time if I still weighed what I used to weigh (and if he weren't as strong as he now is for that matter) there's no darn way we'd be able to do what, well, we do. I won't say any more b/c this is not a porno blog. But, dang!

Oh, and on the subject of sex, I was recently told by one of my male co-workers to "be careful" when I went down to our main control room in the basement of the classroom building. Why, you ask? Well, there's construction going on in the area adjacent to this control room, and apparently he was down there sometime being shown something that was going to be done to our control room. While there, he overheard a few of the construction workers talking about ... me! I have apparently be reduced (or elevated depending upon your perspective) to, ahem, f*able. Yes, me! I was at first mortified, but then I thought about it a little more, and well, I had to be flattered by this. Me, 7 months ago, no way would they be saying that about me! I'm still not thrilled by it, but I have to be a little happy about it, right?

Thank you again to everyone for your encouraging comments and suggestions for strategies to continue my weight loss! I'm now considering joining my university's wellness program. For about $6 per pay period, I can have complete access to all of the on-campus gyms, a limited number of sessions with a personal trainer and access to all sorts of classes and seminars. I still love my elliptical and will continue doing it every other day, but I'm not as pleased with the rubber band strength training I've been doing as I'm just not seeing the muscle definition I'd like to have. Moreover, I think it would be beneficial to have someone there to tell me how to target my problem areas. Great deal, right? So, why haven't I done it yet? I'm still not entirely sure I'd go. Oh, and I have one workout outfit, an outfit that fit 105 lbs ago and now looks entirely hideous on me and rather comical actually. The pants look like those silly gaucho pants that are so popular right now. (Apologies to anyone out there who likes them; they're just not for me!)

Something that is for me, however, is my new iPod! I've been wanting one for years and finally decided to buy one for myself. I don't know how I lived without the thing, seriously! I'm sitting here typing away listening to all of my favorite music, and the best thing is since it's all in there (all 1500 tracks, hardly anything compared to others, I know) I'm listening to stuff I haven't heard in years ... that I absolutely love! I adore it. Oh, and I also highly recommend my latest obsession, the Soledad Blend by Sahale Snacks. Listen to this description, "A delectable snacking experience, influenced by the Mediterranean, featuring almonds, flax seeds and tender dates tickled with balsamic vinegar and cayenne." If you like nuts and a little kick, they are to die for! I eat them in moderation (both because of the fat content and the price,ugh!), but I absolutely love them!

Have a good week all!

The last 39

Thank you all very much for your awesome reactions to my new photos!! Even though I know I look good :), it's really nice to hear it from others!

I've been thinking a lot about what it's going to take to get these last 34 lbs off to get me to my goal, and I came to the realization last night that if you were to stand another woman who weighs 169 lbs (woo-hoo, I'm in the 160s!) who hasn't recently lost weight next to me we'd look significantly different ... even if she were proportioned the same. I mean, the reason my face and upper body look so thin is because I've lost so much weight, and apparently, that's the easist place for the weight to come off from.

Take my sister, for example, I recently came across a photo of her taken a few years ago when she probably weighed somewhere between 130-150 lbs. Even though she weighed less than I do now, she looked chubbier (to me at least) than I do now because the weight was more evenly distributed across her body.

That's not to say that I haven't lost weight from my lower half because I certainly have, but I also realized that these last 34 lbs are probably going to be significantly harder to get off not only because my body is getting used to my now normal caloric intake, my exercise level and my hopefully faster metabolism but because the areas where the fat now remains are the most difficult areas from which to lose the fat. Discouraging, abso-f*ing-lutely! But, I think the realization has put me into another gear ... as I'd begun getting a little lax w/ myself. I don't want to get stuck at this weight! I want it all!!!