29 December 2005
Feelings of largeness (to put it mildly)
I suspect it's due to not being able to weigh myself for almost 2 weeks now coupled with the feelings of guilt over the poor food choices I've been making lately, but regardless of why, I've been feeling rather fat lately. I _know_ I'm no where near where I was, but I'm still not feeling so hot about myself. So, in an attempt to help quell this feeling, I asked my sister to take a picture of me with my nieces that I could compare it to a picture I found the other night while browsing digital albums I've uploaded over the past few years. The result is the photo you see here. The one on the left was taken at Jordan Winery the last time my husband and I visited California in March of 2005.
Some of the most glaring differences to me are just the breadth of my chest, the chubbiness of my cheeks, the fact that you can see my collar bone in today's picture and well, my hair looks a lot better. Oh, and why in the hell didn't anyone tell me those capris looked so horrible?! I mean, they're tapered, so all they do is successfully accentuate the widest part of my body. How could I have possibly thought they looked good?!
Unfortunately, I also think I look happier in the picture from March. I haven't felt particularly unhappy or sad today, but I just don't think I look as happy ... despite being thrilled to be with my girls. Maybe it's because I think I'm coming down with something, but I know it's more likely due to my marriage issues. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, but how can I not, right? I'm trying to do things to keep myself busy, and I've been reading a lot. But, my mind keeps returning to those thoughts of missing him at almost every turn as well as what I can do in the future to make our marriage better. And, while I'm still not sleeping soundly and I really dread returning to my empty (and very messy) house, it will be nice to return to somewhat of a routine and my sweet doggie.